04.09.16

Feeling numb is so odd. You know you're not okay. But you're not sad either. It's just an empty feeling. First, it starts simple... your head slightly hurts and there's a throbbing in your skull. You start overthinking, you imagine non-existent scenarios. Then your stomach forms a knot and there's a tingly feeling. You think nobody cares about you. Perhaps they don't. You imagine scenarios where they do, and get disappointed. You imagine not caring about them, but you do. You start repeating mantras. Be okay without them. Be okay without them. Be okay without them. You then think up resolutions. You are your own self, be happy as you are and the rest will follow. You are born alone, you die alone. So be happy alone. Then you feel light headed. Blink. Oh someone cares. Mom. Blink. Looks like someone else cares. Checks. Ah, just someone caring about another person and wondering if you want to join them in caring about the other person. You say yes because you're happy. Then all of a sudden. It's empty. You're not sad, you're not happy. You are you. And nobody cares. But you love yourself. And that's all that matters.