My Secret Garden

The fibrous roots and leaves on the ground welcomed me into my personal sanctuary.  Even though I was technically alone, I felt safe within the company of birds, ants and other tiny bundles of joy.  This arch that I was standing under is the portal to my peace. It is my area, and only mine. Slowly stepping forward, I realized that the weeds and grass had grown so much this spring that the hard ground could not be felt. The grass created a soft seat for me in times of hardship. The chirps of birds, rustling of leaves and whistle of wind distracted me from everything. The clear, clean air flowed into my nose and spread through my body, making me one with nature.

Here I forgot about my failing body or the medicines I couldn’t afford to miss and even about the craving to please my widow mother. I slowly crept under the low branches and into a burrow I created for myself. When I was five I placed cushions here to protect me from the hard ground. The garden was like the cushions protecting me from the hard ground of reality. Bright sunlight made its way through the dense mass of leaves on the massive trees and through the opening of the burrow, stroking the ground and bringing light into my thoughts. This area is my best friend, he saw me when I down and when I was at my highest moments. My tears moistened this very hard ground many times before, just like it will now. Tears started to well up in my eyes, last few moments in this life and I chose to spend it here. Within the company of the birds and insects my life slowly withers away. The hair on my head slowly fell, drifting with the wind, like the leaves fell to the ground in autumn.

The well created in my left eye, slowly overflowed and dripped of my chin and fell on the ground, giving life to the greenery in my sanctuary. It made me happy to think that in a small way I’m giving life to the place that always gave me life. I like to imagine my secret garden to still be teeming with life, from the greenery and birds and other small creatures. My thought for a second came back to my medicines that I was to take that evening. But with the flutter of wings from a distant bird, I was back to the peace I always felt here.

I leaned back, resting my frail body on the cold soil. The bumps and jagged rocks on the ground surprisingly did not hurt me. Or maybe I was too numb to feel the pain. Slowly then all a sudden rain poured down the opening to my burrow. And all of a sudden I felt insignificant again. The help I used to give the plants here to live felt not enough.

I crawled out of the burrow and experienced the beauty of a whole gush of life entering the garden. If only that could happen to me. I watched the birds flutter across the sky, getting drenched. The water weighed them down making them fly closer to me. I am a part of all this. The droplets pelted my skin, but again I was too numb to feel the pain.